So don't underestimate your feelings just because you don't. I'm sure they must be.
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As for what turns you on, I don't know. I know lots of people who are turned on by pain.
It's not unusual. But, because it bothers you that you're one of them, you could try to change.
Perhaps with therapy? Or by trying to things differently than what your mind imposes on you. I know you can change your mind over time.
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